The pain of pregnancy loss.

Life certainly throws some curve balls at times and the worst ones can be those struggles that we never saw coming or never thought in a million years would be us. 

Below, Amanda shares with us her own story and heart about the real pain and struggle of miscarriage and the loss of hope when trying to start a family. She shares her own personal tips of encouragement for you if this is your story also.

These days I think we all know someone who is living this or has a friend who is living this. Whether it be the emotional pain of miscarriage, unable to fall pregnant, or loss of a precious baby, for yourself or a friend then this is a must read for you, giving simple ways we can have grace for ourselves or to love another.

Bleeding Hearts.

I am writing about something I have a deep passion for, something I think people need to hear and learn, let me tell you:

Well, I am 7 months pregnant with my fifth pregnancy, an exciting and nervous time, mainly because I don’t have those 4 other children you would naturally think I had. Over four years, I fell pregnant 4 times and then miscarried 4 times.
Every time it happened I went through anger, frustration and emptiness. This is an area of life that can be very uncertain and painful, for everyone. 

We all know it happens, but do we really know how to deal with it if that person is us? 
And do we know how to support someone when it’s them? 


Going through it myself, I often found I felt very alone, felt I received no support, I even thought it was because of a lack of ‘care factor’. 
What I have now learned is it wasn’t like that at all; I just needed to learn that I could ask for help.

From out of my experience, my life journey, I want to share some tips for both the people going through it and those wanting to support someone through it. This will, hopefully, give a better understanding of what is helpful for you, and for others. 

For those of us going through this:

1) We need to learn to speak out. We need to tell people we need them, we need help, we are hurting! God gave us family and friends so we don’t’ have to go through it alone – share how you are feeling, don’t bottle it up, even if it has been months or even years after the initial loss. 

2) Honour the memory. No matter how far along in the pregnancy, a life is a life. Whether it be talking about them or celebrating the moments we were meant to have, just celebrate their tiny life and existence. They may not be here with u; but we can still cherish those moments in a loving memory. 

3) Pray and cry! We are allowed to be angry and sad and call out to God, Why Me? So just sit and cry and grieve, it’s ok. Tell God exactly how you feel about it. He hears it all. In that stillness and pain I have really felt God talking to my heart. It may not take the pain away or the loss but it is reassurance that I am going to get through this in Him that He really does care. 

For those of you wanting to know how to support someone during these times:

1) Visit! Easy right? Not always when you are scared you don’t know what to say and it feels awkward. But, the truth is, there is nothing you can say to make them feel better and we don’t want you to try and ‘say anything’. We just want someone there caring, understanding and supporting. 

2) Bring up the baby! You don’t have to avoid the topic, like ‘if u bring it up’ it will remind them. Guess what... we don’t forget. There is nothing more sweet to a mummy than hearing the name of her angel baby, that they are remembered.

3) Pray. Offer to pray for them, or just send them a simple message saying I am thinking of you and praying for you, and not just in the week they are going through it but later too. This is friendship, it’s not silly, and it is comforting to a hurting heart.


In finishing, don't be scared of someone going through loss, don't be worried you will upset them or make them cry, just be there to support them, pray for them and love them.

For those of us going through it, its ok for us to be upset, we don't have to pretend we have it together all the time. We can admit we need support and love to get us through. Call out to people; because people do care about you. You may be plesently supprised by who has a desire to be there for you, and just didn't know how.


Amanda.x


Written by Amanda Goebel (C) 2010




We would love to hear from you, if you have endured this kind of pain and loss please share with us what is/was encouraging to you when faced with this pain.
While some of us have walked this path and totally understand and others of us can only imagine what incredible loss you must be facing, all our hearts at FradazMag truly pray, love on you and stand with you. 


Fradaz.xx


Fradaz Mag would like to give you the opportunity to share this article with a friend who may be facing this type of loss or a friend who is helping someone through it.
Simply paste this link, http://fradaz.blogspot.com/ , into an email and send it to them with a short note of encouragement, that you were thinking of them.


Please note that FradazMag does not replace professional Councillors or Medical Professionals and medical advice should be consulted in cases of loss and grief. 
This article is purely to encourage the heart.